"The anticipation of a war"
June 3, 2007
The ram i was when i left the apartment yesterday morning was festered or fretting, agitated and angling......
tonji relaxed in the chair watching television while i racked my brain pivoting my entire life on which twice
already worn outfit would get me out of the house, away from her and the whirl that comes from being in there.
The satan, the collective angles of love and life that have been entwined onto my conciesness, the controversial
thoughts discussed here are in human and I walked out with a t shirt and jeans and my address book, nearly all my
profiles were against leaving, just the insistent one in the back of my mind and the panic in my heart.
Non the less i set out on a walk,
first to [My friends house], [His brother]vampired me or helled me, put me in a tank recently, he answered
the door wild eyed and said "no speaka english here" and closed the door, then opened it and walked in slowly, turning
to glare with the absurd glare of a threatening murderer, steven plopped down on the chair as i assessed the rest of the
[His Brother] kept on with the kill stare, i kept my nerves and steadied my gaze, he picked up a razor blade knife off of the bar,
raised it up near his face for me to see, steven was looking at me and i simply said, i lost your number, call me, and with a
tip of the hat gesture walked out, a sick feeling and i knew i had to shake it,
Lately i'm called to convict, jesus had fire in him and i do hope i'm not trying to relate to him but saying that i'm revolted by the spew of anger and rage that could come up if i really dumped it all out,
whats goin on behind these eyes, the devil, my search for christ, and my horrific acceptance that satan has me,
On the train i saw [another friend], a roustabout of belleville, scraggly and awkward, blue eyes and a
goofy menace with a talkative malevolence, we smoke together on occasion and he's eaten over at my house before, asks me what
i'm doing and i just said i had to get out of the house, the conversation trickled and i was invited to go to the loop to meet
up w/[OTHERS], possibly sell come cds make some money, sure, why not, nerves still rattled, i clung to the notion that i was in a
safe lawful way, a person, a peer to associate with, seems like a need these days to find a new connection to a spirit or a soul
that heals, A spear. An ego to match.
We jestered to the loop, he surprised me with a few pings on birthdays and zodiac signs
of some black girls and there kids, about 5 adults and 4 children all engaged in friendly conversation.
It was raining in U city
and we strolled through it until we met with pete and his girlfriend. Dumping a mignon was all i had to do but my search for fantasy
left me with nothing more than a nervous grin as i walked with.
The world i stand on, the one i can remain in contact with at all times,
measuring my ability to thrive in the climate and step forward accordingly, was all i would focus on, "a diamond will do this"
i dont know what it is to be a diamond, i'm a human, the letters and the numbers are all that control me and i live apart from
the reality of this cause.
(Continued from Below)
These raggae white boys and belleville savants had a chance to laugh i saw no real fear in any way,
an odd appeal to the neighborhood clammers and the odd straggler, or tourist gathered around while the played the guitars, sung,
beat on glass bottles, and played the harmonica, i didnt know most of songs but addendum,
A jewel never wants to reside from its
post and they say this but whats a jewel, a person who needs to be there, the day melded, a few riduclous moments, some laughter
and i nervously laughed and joined in the melody.
The jam of the hour in the parking lot for [THE OTHER'S] girlfriend was "murderer"
the germer, is what i am, the blood in my womb comes from me transfering aids to someone, i'm told it wasnt from me that that
tim contracted it but its in my concience.
I've realized poignantly before and i'm surprised its not concecrated, that i was
replenished in spirit after the admission, the call, the addressal and the forgiveness,
I scream intellectual jargon at jehovas
witness on the train, i lead this revolt on not being able to recount life without the gliches to go there, where ever the
honesty will get you that where i will lead,
I played with these leaver attitudes and these stayer attitudes alot lately and
i'm ashamed to admit i came face to face with the hope of christ, the eternal damnation that is described in a loop as an 8.
[One of us] had a wonderful idea after the dance in the parking lot to go to lacledes landing, by the arch, i muscled the courage
to not go find something better to do and the obvious is stated, there is courage in my if often misplaced, still there.
I next find my self wondering why we are circling on market steet, we drove around to the river front just in front of the
arch and the four of us marched up the stairs together, lead by the cause, unknown to me really at this point because a point
counterpoint can be played out to describe the intuitional feeling of really calling the devil, or addressing satan to the
spirit through civil engineering The woos through out the day were implicable and harnessing.
A lark wound came up with the murderer song, now i find my self face to face with the Adams mark sign,
on the path that leads to st charles, with the succinct declaration of a damn. Dime.
suicidal for god, thats what the face of this says.
the plan was to go to Harrys downtown and dance,
it is what i clung for, and strength of will, i was not retaliating against these peers when i understood that it is the will of the divine, i can face my charges and my battallion knew this.
Harrys was a pivotal moment and i looned,
called for support from [The Cheese], ultimiately i ran out of harrys, to the metro and mutton resulted, i feel a clear denouncement of and by the government, and i called to christ last night, high on drugs, other love, i needed to be honest and caustic rude demon did contend with the little daniel i pryed out of me last night in turmoil and desperation in front of my two friends/
Daniel McCree, June 3, 2007
**A Note from the editor:
Much thought and consideration went into publishing this story. Much of Daniel's works of writing include very personal aspects of his own life, which he often shared with complete strangers. Moreover, his writing often depicts actual events, people and circumstances which surrounded his life. While we have taken special care to preserve the integrity of his writing in it's original form, in some cases names or phrases have been changed or eliminated. We feel that specific people involved within the stories he shares may wish to remain anonymous. At any rate, we have not altered the spirit of interpretation instilled within the original works of Daniel McCree.